In the internet mob justice system, thought crimes are considered especially heinous. On the internet, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Thought Cops. These are their stories.
Presented in mind-bending 64-bit graphics, welcome to Thought Cops episode 64! This week we’re joined in-studio by Mr. Ben Carson who draws pictures of us. In addition, joining us from Neo-Michigan, we chat with David from Dreamkeepers! Here’s a video of the cartoon pilot “Hard Crime” that he pitched to Comedy Central:
We also challenged our listeners to draw their best Brouroboros: the infinite loop of a bro sucking his own dick. Please see the image below for reference.
Send us your best attempts at email@example.com, or tweet them at us! We want to turn this into some sort of a contest.
This week we talk about the endless void of movie remakes, dismissive retorts propped up by Favs, Likes, and RTs, sectarian political facebook groups, and stupid condescending messages when you turn down promotional things on websites.
This week, Kanye is back on twitter. And we can’t seem to stop thinking about his every move. I can’t stop scratching my head in frustration… or maybe that’s the shampoo I got at my hotel. They never have the kind I’m allowed to use.
As always, don’t forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it at the end of the episode. And while you’re at it, leave us a voicemail: 312-788-7361. We’ll play it on the air and do whatever you say, boss.
This week, we talk about entitled millionaire Philip “Fuck Me Eyes” DeFranco, chanting protest phrases on Twitter, and people bitching about people celebrating 420. Most of them are sentenced to getting launched into the sun.
We also throw barrels at Billy Mitchell for cheating at Donkey Kong, make minimum wage earning workers at Starbucks sit through racial sensitivity seminars for National “Try Our Competitor” Day, watch as Morrissey loses his status as a progressive icon, and rip men’s feet off when they wear them in the city.
Speaking of the Donkey Kong thing, here’s the video I referenced in the episode:
We’re releasing a new bonus episode this week, so don’t forget to subscribe to our Patreon. Also don’t forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it at the end of the episode.
We also have two challenges for our fans, one of which may elicit some sort of a prize. The first challenge is to find a way to get strangers/non-listeners to call 312-788-7361 and leave us a voicemail. The second challenge is to draw a picture of a Brouroboros, which is a “bro” that’s eternally sucking his own dick. Email it to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll figure out some sort of a contest for this, but start getting those colored pencils out.
Welcome to Episode 61 of Thought Cops! This week, we’re joined by Lil Slime aka SpookyboiUWU aka kevin watch the light dude aka this guy:
You won’t get it unless you’re a 90’s kid.
This episode, we talk about the troubling trend of irresponsible, one-sided gaming articles plaguing our country. Also though, we talk about Soundcloud clout goblins, garlic that comes out in a single clove, the yodeling boy, “Zayn” from “One Direction,” Google forgetting to doodle Easter, and millennials snorting condoms I guess.
Our very own Officer Kevin was on this week’s episode of the Dick Show with Dick Masterson. Check it out here!
Welcome to Episode 60 of Thought Cops! Tonight, the Cops welcome local Chicago comedian Aaron Klopfer.
This week, we’re punishing people using the new brackets meme, identity thieves, unsolicited pleas from Soundcloud artists, and kids I went to school with in Kindergarten that make up rhymes to make you take less time at the drinking fountain.
Also, we cover the possible revival of Last Man Standing, if Seinfeld or Friends were rebooted who the Trump voter would be, Jim Carrey’s artistic depictions of the President, and the public’s need for a Disney princess who’s had an abortion.
We also got a cool fan art from @mattcirc on Twitter. Check it out! He put more effort into this picture than we put into our logo. Thanks Matt!
Don’t forget to drop us a review on iTunes. Starting next episode, we’re going to start closing out episodes with the five star reviews on our iTunes page. We’ll read anything you write. No n-words please.
Also subscribe to our Patreon. Officer Kevin’s going to be going out to L.A. in a week, and we’re going to record bonus episode number 2 around the week of the 20th. So get on it! Namaste.
Welcome to Thought Cops, Episode 59! Tonight, Jay welcomes: Zwick, audio engineer and producer extraordinaire! AKA, the guy that edits audio for Asterios Kokkinos. You can find him on twitter at @dude2o. Or if you’re angry at him for some reason, @dude20.
This week, we’re hating for a full 2 minutes on the real color of tennis balls, professional journalist Pim Tool, and people who brag about how they aren’t going to watch problematic content creator’s content. Here’s the Tim Pool video Zwick referenced in the episode:
We also talk about the Count Dankula verdict and Ricky Gervais’ newest special. Count Dankula is the guy who was recently convicted in Scotland for the crime of teaching his girlfriend’s pug to do a Nazi salute. Yeah, seriously.
With him being found guilty of being offensive, there’s barely a reason for us to keep doing this show. Just kidding, tweet all your hate speech to @policescotland because fuck those people. It won’t change anything, but it might make you feel better.
Hello, and welcome to episode 58 of Thought Cops! Live from the city of Yew Nork on March 21st, the Year of Malort. This week, we’re joined by Jake of Big Sword Panel and Ben Carson. Not the brain surgeon, the guy who did our awesome artwork.
This episode, we talk about stupid movie trailers, celebrity death catharsis, unsolicited social media followers, Elon Musk’s foray into the world of comedy, Luigi’s penis, Lara Croft’s boobs, and United’s competition with PETA to see who can kill the most animals.